doctors are scary people

Earlier this week was the big “Make Sure There’s A Heartbeat” ultrasound appointment.

We sort of knew-ish that there would be, because when I first went to see the Doc after we confirmed I was pregnant, he did an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. When he zoomed in on little Bambino, you could see a light little flickering, which Doc specifically pointed out to us.

Even still, you worry.

But when we saw Bambino up there on the screen, his {or her} little heart pumping away, I heaved a sigh of relief. When we got to actually hear it, it was the most beautiful sound I think I’ve heard in my life.

The rest of the appointment went on as usual, and just as we were preparing to leave, Doc came back into the room.

“I just wanted to let you know, that the girls will be scheduling you to come back in 2 weeks instead of a month. At this period in gestation, we like the baby’s heart rate to be 150 BPM and Bambino is at 141. It’s not a big deal, but I just want to keep an eye on it, and that’s why I’m bringing you back in sooner.”

I have this incredible ability to act brave in public, so I held it together in the office. As soon as we began the drive home, I lost it.

I ran through every possible scenario in my head. Everything that I’d done since finding out I was pregnant and analyzing everything I put in my mouth. Should I not have eaten the chicken sandwich from Burger King? {Well, I know I shouldn’t have eaten it, but it was calling out to me.} Did I run up the stairs too quickly?

In spite of the logic my husband was throwing my way – “It’s only 9 BPM lower than where it should be, it’s really ok.” and “If Doc was really worried, he would have put you on bed rest or something and he did no such thing.” – I was and still am having a hard time thinking that this isn’t a result of something I did wrong.

I know, on the logical side of my brain, {which, incidently, isn’t operating at full capacity these days} that I really shouldn’t be making a big deal of anything. First, because God really is in control of this whole situation, and Second because the Doctor really didn’t seem that concerned about it.

But it’s so hard.


3 Responses to “doctors are scary people”

  1. 1 Kaila January 7, 2011 at 10:25 am

    prayers are going up to heaven every day for you and Luke and your little Bambino <3 <3 <3

  2. 2 lifelemons January 7, 2011 at 10:39 am

    We pray for you all daily! Just remember all the scary stuff they told me at my ultrasounds and my kiddos turned out just fine! ;)

  3. 3 the momma January 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

    They said Chase as a tubal pregnancy until they started the surgery to remove him. Heather had a 60% chance of being born with open-spine because of the work I was doing when I found out I was pregnant. The whole pregnancy will be rampant with unimaginable terrors to ruin your sleep and make you worry about everything in the whole wide world, it’s just training for when the baby comes and does the same thing on the outside! Pray fervently and praise God daily, it’s all good there sister!

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