“I have come to the conclusion that all good(looking) men are either taken or gay.”
“Well, you don’t need a man right now, you’re young, plus it’ll happen when it’s supposed to. Although, it did take me forever to find Luke.”
“What are you talking about?! You met him when you were 18 and married him when you were 21.”
“Yeah, but I had bad boyfriend experiences prior to him, so even though I was only 18 when I met Luke, I was like, 30 in boyfriend years.”
…and all my friends would tell me stories about how things might work out with these dips***s because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dips**t just like mine, and that girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. But that’s the exception. And we’re not the exception – we’re the rule.
I can literally remember the day as if it were yesterday. I was in my car, on the way to work, when I heard Greg Behrendt, author of He’s Just NOT That Into You, on my local radio station.
He was talking about women, and how, well, stupid they are; letting men get away with treating them like garbage all because they have this fantasy of “converting” a man from his bad-boy ways because they knew someone who did, and so they too wanted to make their bad-boy good.
He went on to talk about how it just might be possible that he’s just not that into you. And that he has this great book out that tells you all of the ways in which you can tell that he’s just not that into you.
I went out and immediately purchased it, and practically swallowed it whole in a day.
“Where has this book been all my life?!” I exclaimed after I finished reading. “And why didn’t I find this book before I started dating Luke?!” (who was, what Greg said we should hold out for in a man)
I just couldn’t believe the incredible insight in this book, from a man’s perspective.
Things like: (and I’m paraphrasing here)
“Letting the man pursue you doesn’t mean that he’s the “head” of the relationship or the “leader”, it just means that you’re worth chasing, and if you let him do that, he’ll know that he needs to spend the rest of his life doing so, which will keep him from, um, straying or just being a lazy sort of partner.”
“Men will go to extraordinary lengths to make sure and regularly see the woman they’re interested in.”
“If he’s not calling you, it’s because he doesn’t want to call you.”
“You’re dumb for letting it go on this long.”
It may seem harsh, but I believe it’s what women these days need to hear. In fact, if it weren’t for some sketch chapters in the book (relating to sex before marriage and whatnot) I would totally hand this book out to every single one of my Youth Group girls. And tell them to highlight and take notes. Twice. While also sleeping with the book under their pillows at night so that osmosis would play its part as well.
It’s not that I didn’t have people in my life telling me that the guys I was picking weren’t the best choices, I had plenty of those.
But not one of them ever said those life-altering words to me. Words that would have given me a different perspective and perhaps, cut my misery short. Words that are insulting, and strangely freeing all at the same time.
So internets, I’m going to say them to you:
If he’s not calling, or pursuing, or finding a way of just being around; it’s not because he’s intimidated by you, or lost your number, or can’t remember if you live at 20th and Walnut or 30th and Walnut….
If you are in a relationship with him, and he finds every excuse in the book not to have a movie night with you on Friday, or he seems distant or withdrawn; it’s not because he’s stressed about work, misses his mom or just needs some space right now…
It’s because he’s just NOT that into you.
(here’s to hoping it doesn’t take you three bad boys to find your good one!)