straight leg is code for “if you have curves, you’ll never fit into me”

I bought my first pair of straight leg jeans this season for 2 reasons.

Reason #1 –

Reason #2 –

(in chocolate brown, though)

I did this because neither pair of shoes is reaching their full potential underneath of jeans. Bear with me. I tried to put them on the outside of a pair of jeans I already own, but they didn’t look right. I chose the narrowest leg I could find (which, incidentally, is somewhere between a boot cut and a wide leg) and it looks silly when you tuck the jeans inside of them. Baggy, almost.

So I bought straight leg jeans. In the same size as all of my other jeans.

I can’t fit them over my butt.

Seriously folks, it’s impossible. When I initially tried and failed, I thought to myself, “Self, surely they sent you the wrong size, there’s no way a size 8 10 12 is too small. I proceeded to check the tag, and what to my depressed eyes did appear but a 12- (extra long, for which I would like to give an extra ‘atta boy to the folks at American Eagle Outfitters. Sometimes, long is just too short) and then I knew.

When they say “straight leg”, what is actually written there, between the lines, is in fact “straight body”. These jeans should come with a warning label. Warning: Do not try on these jeans if you already think you need to lose weight, have just been broken up with, recently (within the last decade) ate dinner, or if you’re not built like Cameron Diaz. Failure to follow these instructions could result in post traumatic stress disorder.

I think I’m going to start hanging pictures of Cameron around my room for inspiration. And have the jeans framed and hung on my wall. If I didn’t have enough motivation to get into shape before, it was just shipped to me via UPS.

What can Brown do for you?

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5 Responses to “straight leg is code for “if you have curves, you’ll never fit into me””


  1. 1 lifelemons November 3, 2008 at 11:01 am

    Hey call me if you see this comment any time soon! I have stuff to tell you!

  2. 2 Joe Pulcinella November 4, 2008 at 7:28 am

    Ha! I know the feeling of somehow NOT looking like the poster on the wall of the store.


  1. 1 mission: impossible « sunny side of life Trackback on March 23, 2009 at 9:47 am
  2. 2 irony and bloody noses « sunny side of life Trackback on April 8, 2009 at 4:46 pm
  3. 3 skinny is fatter than straight « sunny side of life Trackback on August 27, 2009 at 10:50 pm

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