“You know, December will be here before you know it.”


“Especially with me in school and trying to lose weight, and you studying to be an EMT and learning a language. We’ll be too busy to miss one another!”

I don’t like to lie. Particularly to my husband, but I’ve found lately that with such a separation on the horizon, denial is the only way of life, and denial is just one big lie.

The car ride to the airport was silent, and, now that I have time to dwell on it, I’m filled with regret.

I should have said “I love you” just one more time.

Or “I’ll miss you” because I will. More than I think he really understands.

But I didn’t, and I’m not really sure why. Maybe because if I had spoken just one more word, I would have cried. I don’t like him to see me cry. I don’t want him to feel any worse than he already does.

I doesn’t matter anyway, because I did. From the moment I gave him that last hug, the hug that I’ll cherish in my mind until the moment of his return, until I could no longer see him as I made my way toward I-95.

I cried.

For the memories that we’ll make apart from one another. For the year of our marriage spent in separate beds. For the times that I won’t see him smile or laugh. For the hugs and kisses we won’t share. For the little things that I won’t learn about him this year.

I cried.

But December will be here before I know it.



4 Responses to “goodbye”

  1. 1 lifelemons January 3, 2008 at 7:11 am

    And now that you have me crying…

    I will miss him too! I am sorry that you have to go through all of this. But hopefully December will be here before you know it!

  2. 2 Rachel Chip January 3, 2008 at 8:14 am

    I’ve been praying for you guys, and I will keep on praying!

    I miss seeing you in the office…I’ll be back Monday :)

  3. 3 girlymama January 3, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    sorry babe. ((hugs)) it’ll go by quicker than you think….

  1. 1 it’s starting to get old, isn’t it? « sunny side of life Trackback on May 21, 2009 at 6:42 am

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