goodbye

“You know, December will be here before you know it.”

“Yeah.”

“Especially with me in school and trying to lose weight, and you studying to be an EMT and learning a language. We’ll be too busy to miss one another!”

I don’t like to lie. Particularly to my husband, but I’ve found lately that with such a separation on the horizon, denial is the only way of life, and denial is just one big lie.

The car ride to the airport was silent, and, now that I have time to dwell on it, I’m filled with regret.

I should have said “I love you” just one more time.

Or “I’ll miss you” because I will. More than I think he really understands.

But I didn’t, and I’m not really sure why. Maybe because if I had spoken just one more word, I would have cried. I don’t like him to see me cry. I don’t want him to feel any worse than he already does.

I doesn’t matter anyway, because I did. From the moment I gave him that last hug, the hug that I’ll cherish in my mind until the moment of his return, until I could no longer see him as I made my way toward I-95.

I cried.

For the memories that we’ll make apart from one another. For the year of our marriage spent in separate beds. For the times that I won’t see him smile or laugh. For the hugs and kisses we won’t share. For the little things that I won’t learn about him this year.

I cried.

But December will be here before I know it.

luke-walking.jpg

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4 Responses to “goodbye”


  1. 1 lifelemons January 3, 2008 at 7:11 am

    And now that you have me crying…

    I will miss him too! I am sorry that you have to go through all of this. But hopefully December will be here before you know it!

  2. 2 Rachel Chip January 3, 2008 at 8:14 am

    I’ve been praying for you guys, and I will keep on praying!

    I miss seeing you in the office…I’ll be back Monday :)

  3. 3 girlymama January 3, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    sorry babe. ((hugs)) it’ll go by quicker than you think….


  1. 1 it’s starting to get old, isn’t it? « sunny side of life Trackback on May 21, 2009 at 6:42 am

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