I don’t want to do this. Not here. Not on such a public forum. Not when I know that she may actually make her way over to my blog at some point in her life and read this.
But I do want to. I want to write it all down, because I can never express it properly in person. I want her to know that she’s making a big mistake. I do want her to read this.
Because I love her.
I’ll start with this.
I know what you’re going through. I know what it’s like to constantly wonder how he’s feeling about you, if he’s feeling about you. To wonder if his eyes are fixed only on you, or if they dart all over the place in hopes of finding something better. To wonder if he’s still talking to, still seeing her. And just how many other “hers” there really are.
I know how it feels, and I know that it sucks.
I know that you’re trapped. Trapped in between what your heart is telling you and what your mind is pleading with you to listen to. Trapped in between what family and friends say and what he says. Trapped in between the knowledge that you will find someone else and the fear that you won’t.
I know that you’re invested. I know that you’re scared. I know that you’re in love.
But love doesn’t hurt.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (I Corinthians 13: 4-7 NIV)
Does he love you like that? He should. But he doesn’t, does he?
There’s someone out there who can, no, will love you like that, if only you’d let him. If only you’d free yourself from the grips of a relationship that has changed the very essence of your being.
I don’t know what else to say. After I heard that you two were “kinda, sorta, possibly back on again” it made me ill. Ill to think that he gets you without appreciating you. Without appreciating your devotion and perseverance. Without understanding that he’s with one of the greatest women out there that I’ve ever known. He doesn’t get it. And it hurts me.
I wish you would get it. I wish you would walk out his door leaving him to wonder why he gave up such a great woman.
I know one day you will get it. One day you’ll walk away, shake off the dust and cobwebs of his “grip” on you and never look back.
And then he’ll call you.
But you won’t answer, you’ll be too busy with the love of your life to even care that he cares.
And it is then that I’ll smile.