thank GOD i don’t have to deal with that anymore

While I’m not one who’s totally into gender stereotyping (I’m a female football fanatic, ok?) I gotta say that after observing how men act in relation to women for some time now, I’m not all that impressed.

Exhibit A: My sister and I were walking into the mall from the parking lot last Friday when we heard “HEY!”. We of course ignored this childish attempt at getting our attention, when we again heard, even louder, “HHEEEYYYY!!!!”. After this, what I can only assume, is a young man who’s mind (and pee pee) is stuck in high school days, was ignored for a second time, he decided to angrily pull his car out of the parking spot he was in, roll his window down and say, to our backs I might add, “You couldn’t handle this anyway!”

There are many points I would like to make after such an “encounter”.

1. My name has never been, nor will it ever be “HEY!”. The same goes for my sister. Maybe you might want to work on your social skills.

2. I’m married. Please note the rock on my left ring finger that you could never afford with your fast food restaurant job. I’m assuming you work at a fast food restaurant, because no decent corporation would ever hire some nut job who only knows how to greet people with “HEY!”.

3. My sister, in spite of her fabulous adult-ish appearance, is only 16. I would also like to add, that she’s way too pretty, sophisticated, intelligent, and smart for the likes of you.

4. Generally, while trying to “pick up a chick” you don’t do it in the parking lot of your local mall.  Unless of course, you’re in Junior High, then it’s totally acceptable.

5. I can’t handle you? I believe my dear, that I handled you just fine, because you’re the one who drove away angry while my sister and I laughed, quite haughtily, at your pathetic expense.

This happens quite frequently when I go out with my sister. (picture Jessica Simpson 6 years ago, with natural, pretty blonde hair) Most men have done nothing to improve my view on how they react when they see a pretty woman. Most of the time, it’s just staring that lasts way too long, whistling, and even a “hi” with that stupid ‘I know you want me’ smirk on their face.

Grow up!

We’re not cave-people anymore. Grunts and other such noises are not impressive to us.

Tall, dark, and handsome ain’t all it’s cracked up to be either, because sometimes, the most attractive ones are the biggest jerks (probably because too many women have allowed them into their pants, ahem). So for any men who read this, I thought I’d make a list of things that will not disgust women who are in your presence.

1. Knowing where our eyeballs really are. (I’ll give you a hint, they’re not anywhere in the vicinity of our breasts)

2. Being able to start and finish a sentence properly, without filling said sentence with any form of slang. (HEY! falls into the slang category)

3. If you really feel the need to approach us, try something more creative than “HEY!” or “You couldn’t handle this anyway!” Suggestion: Try “You look really nice, would you like to go out for dinner?” This proves that you have some sort of grasp on the English language and that you’re patient enough to get to know someone over dinner as opposed to a five minute rendezvous in the mall.

I know this seems a bit demanding, but we woman are worth it. I know because I am one. I know it can work for you too, because my husband made it past the whole dating stage by not acting like a complete moron.

Give it a try, I guarantee it’ll work or your money back!


9 Responses to “thank GOD i don’t have to deal with that anymore”

  1. 2 girlymama February 7, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    so funny.

    my sisters and i love when people give us those ‘looks’ and try to catch our attention. then they wants me to go up and say, ‘want to see a picture of my kids?’

  2. 4 mamadoggylove February 7, 2007 at 5:11 pm

    Ha ha! This is great!

    It would serve the human race well if all men would follow those rules. Alas, I believe it’s wishful thinking…

  3. 5 lifelemons February 7, 2007 at 11:32 pm

    I remember well when we are out with your sister and the hooting and hollering begins. Poor thing. It is really quite scary sometimes (for her). Especially when men stalk her!

  4. 6 pinkrawkstar February 8, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    Great post! I won’t even begin to start in on all the shit I’ve heard from spineless, small dicked pigs. :-)

  5. 7 houkhouse February 9, 2007 at 12:57 am

    Just an amen! ,sister, Amen!

  6. 9 bleh July 4, 2007 at 11:27 am

    Ya! Only people who work at “decent corporations” that do “important business” are cool! Ya!

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