Alright Already

I know this is three, three, posts in one day, but I just couldn’t help myself. While checking my blog stats recently, I noticed that at least 4 people a day are finding my blog by looking for the lyrics to Brad Paisley’s Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday Song. I found the basic outline for them on this site, but they didn’t do a really good job of setting it up the way it is on the CD. So, I painstakingly input each of the speaker’s names on their particular line and even edited, because some of the lyrics they had weren’t accurate. The things I go through for my readers, I tell ya’. You should also note, that this “song” is very long so I apologize in advance. Here it is.

Brad: And now, the Grand Ol’ Opry Theater proudly presents, a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos.

Brad (singing): Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

Brad: We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around the camp fire.

Little Jimmy: How ‘bout we sing some holiday songs?
Whisperin’ Bill: Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
George: Yeah, I got one.

George (singing):
Oh Chri-bleep tree oh Chri-bleep tree how lovely are thy branches…

George: Why am I getting bleeped again?
Brad: Haven’t you heard guys? You can’t say Chri-bleep you gotta say Holiday
George: I can’t say Chri-bleep?
Whisperin’ Bill: No you might offend somebody.
George: Who is offended by Chri-bleep?
Little Jimmy: You know you might offend the bleep and the bleep and the atheists.
George: What?
Whisperin’ Bill: Time to be politically correct.

George: Uggghhhhh

Little Jimmy: I’ll lead this off.

Little Jimmy (singing): On the first day of Chri-bleep my true love said to me…

George: Jimmy, are you listening?
Little Jimmy: What?
George: You can’t say Chri-bleep.
Little Jimmy: Why not? If you can say he-bleep on the last record, why can’t I say Chri-bleep?
George: I didn’t make the rules.
Whisperin’ Bill: Hey listen guys, it’s not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-bleep to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-bleep, you say I’m dreaming of a whi-bleep Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
George: You’ve got to say, Caucasian.
Whisperin’ Bill: So I have to sing, I’m dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Little Jimmy: Sure, that won’t offend anyone.

Brad (singing): Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay
George (talking above the music): Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?

Brad (singing): It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

Little Jimmy: I’m just trying to come up with a song here.
Brad: Let’s sing one together, everybody ready? George?
George: Ready.
Brad: Bill your ready?
Whisperin Bill: I’m ready.
Brad: Jimmy……Jimmy? Jimmy?!?!
Little Jimmy (in a chipmunk voice, to imitate the chipmunk Christmas song): Okay!

All (singing): We three kings of Ori-bleep are bearing gifts we’ve traveled real far….

Brad: Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
Whispering Bill: What?
George: Oh, come on just try.

Little Jimmy: I’ve gotta get hyped up for this.

All (singing): We three kings of Asia are….

Whisperin’ Bill: That sounds like horse bleep
George: Oh lordy, okay. How ‘bout Little Drummer boy?
Little Jimmy: Nope, that offends short people.
Whisperin’ Bill: And you can’t say drummer ‘cause that will offend real musicians.

George: How ‘bout little –hahaha- Little Town of Bethlehem?
Little Jimmy: What’s this with all the short jokes?
Whisperin’ Bill: Hey how ‘bout we do Silent Night?
George: Nope, it offends people hard a’ hearin’ and afraid of the dark.
Whisperin’ Bill: What did he say about a shark?
George: SHARK?!

Whisperin’ Bill: This happens every year.

Brad (singing): Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay,
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

George: Ho ho ho!
Whisperin’ Bill: No.
George: What,I can’t say ho?
Whisperin’ Bill: No, you might offend some….women.
Little Jimmy: So basically, we can’t sing anything?

George: I think that a bunch of bull-bleep.
Whisperin’ Bill: Softer George it’s more effective.
George (whispering): I think that a bunch of bull-bleep.

Little Jimmy: Wait just a da-bleep minute. I’ve f-bleep-n never been so f-bleep-n t-bleep-d off in my whole f-bleep-n 85 f-bleep-n years.
Whisperin’ Bill: You now what? I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-bleep carols if I wanna sing Chri-bleep carols.
George: Louder Bill it’s more effective!
Whisperin’ Bill: I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-bleep carols if I wanna sing Chri-bleep carols!
Little Jimmy: Me too!

All (singing): We wish you a Merry Chri-bleep, we wish you a Merry Chri-bleep, we wish you a Merry Chri-bleep, and a happy ne-bleep year.Little Jimmy: We can’t say new; it’ll offend the old folks.
George: And you never wanna offend them.

Little Jimmy: Us…

George: Yeeeaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update: I found this blog where you can actually listen to the song in it’s entirety. Enjoy!

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2 Responses to “Alright Already”


  1. 1 lifelemons December 7, 2006 at 10:31 am

    I love this song, I find myself randomly singing it all the time!

  2. 2 Alexwebmaster March 3, 2009 at 9:14 am

    Hello webmaster
    I would like to share with you a link to your site
    write me here preonrelt@mail.ru


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