It Burns!

One of my newest ventures in preparation for the wedding has been tanning. You know, fake-n-bake. Please spare me all of the medical reasons why I should not do this, I’m well aware. Plus, it’s not like I will be extending this any further than the wedding, I just wanted to give it a try.

Part of the reason why I’m doing this is because I have hideous tan lines from my bathing suit, and since my gown is strapless, I can’t have that. The other reason is because L asked me to, and since the romance hasn’t died yet, I still like to do nice things for him.  Forget about the fact that he will indeed see ultra-white naked flesh of mine one day, right now, we’re trying to look our best.

Anyway, L took me into the local Hollywood Tans as he has promised to pay for this for me. (Since he insisted that I give it a try, among other people, you know who you are) So, the girl behind the counter goes over all of the different options with us, telling me about the different beds and booths. They even do a spray-on tan but I nixed that idea. A girl I knew in high-school did it for prom and she looked like an oompa loompa.

We chose which booth I would be using for my month membership, and in I went. I gotta tell ya, these people really know what they’re doing because with my personal experience, it’s difficult to get an even tan while laying down in the beds. When you’re standing in the booths though, you hang on these handles above your head, you get a really even tan. When I came out, I didn’t really notice a difference right away. I figured this was common as it’s pretty much the same way for me after a day at the beach. I went home, put on some aloe just in case and called it a day.

The next morning I noticed that I was a little pink in the areas where the ‘sun don’t shine’. No biggie though, just put on more aloe! That night (last night) I went back for the second time and even bumped up my time in the booth by an extra minute. Afterwards, I repeated the same routine as the night before and that was that.

This morning is a different story. This morning, there was pain, and burning, and itching and oh my gosh why the heck didn’t I put any sun-tan lotion on my boobs!!!! They are red. Not just pink this time, RED! The last time that part of my body had sun was when I was like 2, and it wasn’t so inappropriate to walk around topless, or naked for that matter. So you can imagine that my skin is freaking out on me now, like WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!? The worst part is that because tanning booths are like a speedy tan process, my “sunburn” from the other day has already started the itchy process underneath of the new “sunburn”. Basically it’s excruciating and all I can do not to scratch my boobs in public.

Tonight? Tonight there will be SPF 1,000 if they make it, because as stupid as it sounds, I will be going back there to tan. Just because that part of me is red certainly doesn’t mean the rest of me should be white. Actually, the rest of me is turning to a very nice brown color, so there. That is my justification.

I’m sure that my boobs could go one shade darker and be purple, and I think if I reach that point, I’ll stop. If not though, you can bet that I’ll be there every day until my wedding.

I’m getting rid of these stupid tan lines.

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10 Responses to “It Burns!”


  1. 1 ohthedrama August 25, 2006 at 11:07 am

    I am right there with you, my boobs are burnt and my ass is burnt but it is not so bad they I will not go again tonight.So pass the sun tan lotion I have a nice olive complexion and I intend to enhance it further!

  2. 2 girlymama August 25, 2006 at 11:28 am

    um, you could wear panties and a strapless bra — just until the flame dies down a bit.

  3. 3 fancythis August 25, 2006 at 11:29 am

    well, now girlymama, that would make sense, wouldn’t it. We all know, I’m not so good at that, now don’t we?

  4. 4 quietwords August 25, 2006 at 11:48 am

    That’s what I usually do. Not to keep from getting burned but I’ve been going tanning sporadically for four years and those beds still creep me out too much to be naked in them!

  5. 5 fancythis August 25, 2006 at 12:24 pm

    I’m with you quietwords. I don’t like to be naked in the beds, but in the booths you don’t have to touch anything, that’s why I can tolerate going naked in those. Hence, the burning problem!

  6. 6 girlymama August 25, 2006 at 1:00 pm

    what do you do with your clothes while you are naked in a booth like a veal?

  7. 7 fancythis August 25, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    Funny, the booths have this little dressing area before actually walking into the area with the bulbs.

  8. 8 girlymama August 25, 2006 at 4:24 pm

    ahhhhhhh

    makes perfect sense now……

    actually i need to go before the wedding to.
    @#*%$ tan lines.

  9. 9 Amie August 28, 2006 at 8:34 pm

    Try the sunless tanning lotion again. It has really improved in the last few years. I use Clarins brand; it is a little expensive, but very good. No orange effect. Friends have used Jergens (less expensive) with good results. I know you said to skip the cancer speech, but seriously, there are enough things that can give you cancer; don’t willingly submit yourself to one.


  1. 1 it’s starting to get old, isn’t it? « sunny side of life Trackback on May 21, 2009 at 6:42 am

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